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Am I a good person like I thought?
- Am I a good person like I thought?
I was in a relationship with someone that was my Bestfriend. I thought nothing in the world could break us up but a couple months into the relationship it began to unravel. Things turned physical, emotional and mentally abusive and we didn’t let go of the relationship when we should have. Fast forward we broke up and the pain was relentless, I could not handle it and I still wanted to be with the person. But they had moved on and just wanted to be friends, pleaded and begged me to be just their friend. I couldn’t handle it so I kept pushing for a relationship and then once I seen I wasn’t going to get that I pushed for a sexual relationship. The person was hesitant and when we first engaged in sex they were very hurt, but I didn’t care because in my mind the person was always going to be mine and we were in a relationship. I was living in a fantasy world, a reality that helped me cope with the pain but wasn’t true at all. So now I see that after endless talks that I was wrong for pushing that on the person and I should have been the friend they needed at the time. But they don’t understand or care why I did it, all they see is that I hurt them. Although through the course of this I take care of both of us financially and we have had periods when we didn’t engage each other sexually, but again none of that matters to them. They feel as though everything is on my time and I should have fought through the pain to be their friend when they asked, and I should have. The person has expressed to me that they no longer want to be friends at this time and I don’t know how to handle it. They were the last person I had in my life and I never thought it would come to this. We live together and they asked for space 3 days ago and I haven’t been able to back off and give them space. Every time I see them I ask to talk and they do but I think that’s even going to end soon. They are just so angry at me that I don’t think the friendship will get better, or there will ever be one again. How do I let the friendship heal it’s self without forcing it on them or myself.. and to actually take this time to seek help and work through my issue? I don’t want to do it alone but now I have no choice.
Of course you are a good person. We all make mistakes, especially with loved ones! I understand how difficult it is to feel like you are losing a best friend with all of this going on. But if someone is asking for space, it’s usually because they need space. Listening is the first step you can take to heal both of you. If you are looking to let the friendship heal, then you both need to heal first. If they are communicating a specific strategy that will allow them to do that, then it might be wise to respect that and give them the space they need. If you need something different to heal, you also need to communicate that to them. But also understand that you both may have different paths towards healing. If you need space, give yourself space and time to evaluate what you really are looking for in a friend and/or relationship. If you need to explore other options and go out to meet new people and friends to heal yourself, do it! But be honest with yourself and your friend about what you are hoping to achieve for your personal success. If you are supporting someone financially, then you really need to have a frank conversation about why you are doing so, what you are hoping to achieve by supporting them, and if that is something that needs to change in your relationship. It’s not about pushing one person’s ideas onto the other, just listen and see if there are any supportive things you can both do and feel comfortable with.
Hi. It’s good you’re looking for help in improving your situation. You say you live with the person. If it is possible a new living situation should be considered. Since the other party has expressed not wanting a relationship and wanting to dustance themselves. The last thing you want is resentment from that person for feeling forced into a relationship they dont want. True love isnt forced because it doesn’t have to be. Love yourself enough to move on and meet other people. Sometimes doing what’s in our best interest doesn’t feel great but it’s the right thing to do. By the way, you’re not a good person, you’re a great person.
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