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Cassandra of Troy
- Cassandra of Troy
I am so confused on how to feel. My mother is the source of my pain but she supports for me and I shouldn’t be feeling these thoughts but she is so awful to me. I don’t see how she supports me or puts a roof over my head or fought for me in the divorce. I see how she verbally abuses me, disrespects me, threatens to send me to a mental institute, compares me to my abusive father. Then she makes me feel so bad for even feeling any of this because she is the victim here who is doing so much. I don’t know how to feel I don’t want to lose her but I don’t want to live this life anymore. I know she does all of this for me but I am treated like such garbage in my own home. My freedoms are greatly restricted as well. She has this horrible image of me in her head where I only like people that I can control. Every bad quality I have is from my father, I have so much negativity, I am such a disappointment to her. This is what she says when I confront her about how I feel. I have given up on ever having a good relationship with her because no will listen to me. My voice never even reaches people’s ears and their eyes glaze over when I am screaming the truth at them. I hate it here in this miserable world in this miserable existence. The only reason I haven’t killed my self is that it is greatly frowned upon in my religion otherwise I would have done it a very long time ago.
can you find another place to live?
Are you old enough and stable enough to move out?? Seems like your mother is one of your triggers for all that bad self talk.
You know you are your own person. You may have traits from your father that she sees and dislikes but that’s not your fault. It’s something that she needs to get through.
I am sorry you are going through this but as anyone will tell you, suicide is not the answer. Have you ever been happy? Focus on those good times to help get you through the bad ones. I’m here if you want to talk.
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